Clinging to my bosom
lies a melancholy of discontent,
within this cavern body,
a malaise of disconnection.
Rumbling, grumbling, stirring, yearning.
There, upon scant introspection, a reticence interrupts,
and causes pause of closer contemplation.
Overtakes it, a gripping fear
that ripped apart,
my maternal existence as I’ve known.
Yet, too, a certainty dawns
within this dark and foggy cave,
that prolonged avoidance and desperate ignorance
can only guarantee my breaking.
So it is, I seek
the source of this undoing,
this crumbling of my ground.
And there I find,
instead of death,
of rising fertile soil.
Firm and sure, this new terrain,
renewed life within my bosom springs,
a connection never felt before.
My heart, the door,
a void, no more.
Varan, Valerie. “The Melancholy of Discontent.” ValerieVaran.com. DependentMedia.com. 2014.
You can believe in Wi-Fi, that there are energy or radio waves flowing everywhere, that your thoughts can be translated into data, which in turn can be transmitted into these and many other energy signals, which can be sent and received by antennae, read using your phone or computer or television.
And yet, how is it that you cannot believe in Spirit? That very energy which is everywhere, as radio waves of information, but so much more than that, so many more frequencies than that?
Spirit is the very source of all energy signals. Spirit is the sum total of all energy signals.
Every hair on your body, every cell, every neuron, is designed as an antenna. You are a living antenna, an energy receiver and transmitter, for Spirit.
What are you transmitting right now? What would you like to be transmitting right now? As you become conscious of your transmissions, your energy signals, you become aware that you are participating in the totality of spiritual data flowing through the air waves, and through all matter, all that you can see and hear. Spirit flows through you, whether you are conscious of It or not. You can dim Its signal, muddy up its antennae hardware. Or, you can amplify Its signal, and join in conscious movement, radiating, with It, with Spirit.
Spirit is you, at its lowest and slowest frequencies. You are Spirit, in your highest and fastest frequencies.
Heaven is a great bandwidth of energy. Link up. Link in.
I’m moved to write this post after meeting with so many clients who were raised by mentally ill parents.
They struggle with the idea of becoming parents themselves, worried that they will do what their parents did, or didn’t do. Clueless as to what a healthy relationship or lifestyle even looks like, they feel completely overwhelmed at the idea of becoming a parent.
What is essential parenting? Forget the idea of “good enough” parenting for now. I’m not sure how helpful that concept is in this moment. Let’s focus on what exactly is needed by any child.
My colleague Jerry Casados, a nutrition coach in the Denver area, recently sent me the link to a 22 minute video clip of Larry King interviewing Dr. Pam Peeke about the science of food addiction. http://www.drpeeke.com/web/module/video/videoID/54/catid/2/sectionid/580/interior.asp The good news seemed to be that we can be addicted to food, that it is not for some people simply a matter of will power. The bad news was that there is “no cure” for addiction, only recovery and treatment. I have a different view of addiction. I do believe that addiction can be cured because I have seen my clients cure themselves of various kinds of addiction.
I don’t care who we are, coping with periods of transition IS difficult. Stuck, paralyzed, frustrated, irritable, fearful…these are the emotions that can haunt us during the season of change. We fear the unknown, what we don’t know how to do or what it might be once we do it, the possibility that we might regret leaving the familiar behind. When we are young, the future seems open, unwritten; and sometimes the vastness of this territory terrifies us into indecision. What if we make the “wrong” choice”? What if we “fail”? As we approach middle age, sometimes we are horrified by the decisions we didn’t make, as well as the decisions we did. We may have made choices that kept us safe, but bored, unchallenged and unfulfilled.
Even when we have lived a life that has felt very satisfying, we can arrive at our fifties and feel we want a change, something new. Perhaps we’ve always been on a growth streak, which never seems to end. And we get to yet another time of transition, and we feel inspired to move, but are simultaneously overwhelmed by having to yet again learn something different. We’re tired, wonder if we have the energy for one more change, and in our pause to think, notice our melancholy. If we shift faster rather than slower, we can avoid depression. But maybe we don’t because our fatigue, lack of motivation and stuckness have consumed us. As we near the end of life, we can fear sickness and death. Our bodies don’t quite function as we would like them to, but we feel stuck with our habits of eating poorly, sitting around the house, not moving, not learning, not doing much at all. So how do we cope?